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感谢大家参与试译!邓萨尼的文章翻译起来难度较高,对英文理解和中文表达均有要求。综合考虑这两个方面,最终选择了两位译者@海山二和@翩若驚鴻。
关于英文理解,试举一例: Sculptured it was and domed, the glory of the art of masons a long while dead,
按照常见的语序,前半句应该是It was sculptured and domed。在后半句的翻译上分歧更多一点。我以为a long while dead就近修饰masons。因此,@海山二翻译成“会堂的穹顶与精致的雕刻是早已逝去的石匠留下的艺术杰作。”
另外,第二段的开头很少有人翻对:“Where the great plain of Tarphet runs up, as the sea in estuaries, among the Cyresian mountains, there stood long since the city of Merimna well-nigh among the shadows of the crags.”@翩若驚鴻 译为:“如汪洋之于河口,在塞里斯安山脉之中,在广袤的塔菲特平原地势陡升的地方,在悬崖峭壁的暗影下,屹立着一座历经岁月洗礼的古城麦迪拉。”我以为是比较准确的。原文用百川入海来比喻山川与平原的衔接,有些译者没有注意“as”,以为此处是入海口。
在中文表达方面,“ To the south they are bounded by magic, to the west by a mountain, and to the north by the voice and anger of the Polar wind. ”在英文中看来很有节奏感,但是直译成中文就显得重复。@翩若驚鴻的处理“南境边缘是魔界封疆,西部高山为界,北边疆域上极风咆哮呼号。”就很有音乐感。
同一段的“Beyond them to the east there lies a desert, for ever untroubled by man: all yellow it is, and spotted with shadows of stones, and Death is in it, like a leopard lying in the sun. ”运用了拟人的手法,没有注意的译者翻译成“死气沉沉”之类的就有点偏离原文了。并且,作者将沙漠的黄沙和阴影与之联系,比作猎豹。然而翻成中文的时候由于中间隔了一句“Death is in it”,反倒不太容易能衔接起来,因此十分考验“is”的翻译。@海山二译作“东面是从未有人侵袭的沙漠,金黄的沙丘上散落着石头投下的点点阴影。死亡栖息其间,像静卧在烈日下的猎豹。”
当然,两位译者的试译并不是完美无缺的,仍然有进步的空间。译文中值得探讨的地方亦不尽与此。欢迎有兴趣的朋友继续交流。